Now what have I gotten myself into?
Friends who know me may remember me as task oriented and competitive. They see me as a mother who keeps my children at home, away from school, as the school system is simply not rigorous enough for my liking.
I am, and I truly hope I can change that.
That title header rocked my world a little. In as much as I would love to believe both my children have innate talents and undiscovered gifts, and I really want to think they are ‘gifted-beyond-measure-but-yet-to-be-discovered', the truth hit me pretty hard when I just couldn’t get CY to count to 30 without screaming at him.
CY took such long time to differentiate ‘seven’ and ‘eleven’ I nearly got him a spot for future employment there. The ‘teens’ and ‘twenties’ are forever mixed up. I could go on, but you get it.
I struggled with jealousy and sometimes (sad to mention) even anger, on why other children are reading by 3, counting up to hundred by 2.5 years old, swimming free style at 4, playing Chopin at the same age when...
At aged 3.5, my sweet CY could hardly count to 30, cannot read even simple sentences, have problems even remembering his phonics, and despite starting swimming class at 8mths old, has recently been demoted to a class one year his junior simply because he isn’t catching up with his peers. He took half a year just to learn how to play ‘Mary had a little lamb’ on the piano, but will dissolve into tears if I suggest he stops his music lessons.
My 18 month old CH isn't speaking yet, just like her brother.
O yes, I even stopped posting on FaceBook because I cannot bear to read other children's achievement by their over-zealous parents.
I foresee a life long struggle in the Singapore education system, of weekends filled with tuitions and nights of plowing through Dr Plant (that was my generation), and yes the tears that come with it. I envisioned two teenagers kneeling at the altar in January (the A and O level results being released earlier now) belting out "God will make a way", tears and all.
Only then did I turn to God. I was desperate you see. It was in the bathroom one day that it dawned upon me that perhaps being average is God's protection on my children's life, that they will steer away from a life of vain pursuits in academic achievements (that I have relentlessly pursued) and self serving glory? Perhaps the struggles that they face earlier in life will bring them to God earlier and see God clearer?
The next day, I received a mass mail from the homeschooling group I subscribed to sometime ago. I don't normally open mass mails, but I was bored I guess...
I Don’t Want To Raise Successful Children
By Lysa TerKeurst
Proverbs 22:6 {NIV}
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
I don't want to raise successful children. That's a shocking thing to read, and a shocking thing for a mother to type. So, let me clarify.
I used to define success according to my child's report card. Good grades and academic achievement would surely equal a good child with great potential in this world. But then several of my children wound up being average students with average grades. Though we carted them off to tutors and spent many a late night at the kitchen table helping them, they remained average. And I remained concerned and frustrated.
One report card day I found myself facedown in the fibers of my carpet crying and wondering, "Where have I gone wrong as a mom?"
I dug into Scriptures. I begged God for wisdom and discernment. I prayed for God's perspective with each of my kids. Finally, one day it dawned on me - what if I simply chose to embrace the natural bent of each of my kids as God's way to protect them and keep them on the path toward His best plans for their lives?
What if my A student needs academic success to prepare her for God's plans while my average to below-average student needs to be steered away from a more academic future? What if my sports star kid needs that athletic excellence for his future assignments by God, but my benchwarmer kid is being protected from getting off course by her lack in this area?
And that's when it finally dawned on me. My job isn't to push success for my kids. My job as a parent is to recognize the unique way God created each child and point them to Jesus at every turn along their journey toward adulthood. Yes, I want my kids to learn and thrive and grow up educated, but it's not a flaw in me or them if they don't have straight A report cards and trophy cases full of sports medals.
Proverbs 22:6 says,
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (NIV).
I am challenged to ponder these words, "... in the way he should go." Are we training our kids that the "way he should go" is to chase worldly achievement or to chase God? Whatever they learn to chase as a child, they will chase as adults. Therefore, we must be challenged to honestly assess the way we are pointing them to go.
My daughter, Hope, is one of my average students. She has also warmed many a bench in the sports she's tried, and can always be found hiding on the back row of the stage during school concerts. Using the world's benchmarks for achievement, Hope wouldn't be seen as a child positioned for success. But God...
This past January, my 15 year old Hope, shocked me when she announced she wanted to go to Ethiopia with some missionary friends of ours and live in the remote African bush for the summer. Yes, she may not have trophies and straight A report cards but she does have a heart of gold. And because she's not entrenched in sports and academic pursuits that could have created obligations for her summer, she was free to go to Africa. Free to chase God in a really big way.
One of the first e-mails she sent me from Ethiopia read, "Mom, I've fallen in love with the AIDS orphanage children. They rushed at me when I held my arms out and I tried with all my might to hold all 30 of them at once. I love it here."
Now, don't get me wrong. I do expect Hope to return to her studies this fall, give 100% effort, and finish her high school career having done her very best. She will most likely then go to college. But she probably won't be delivering the valedictorian address or wearing the honors cords and medals. She'll be the one with a vision of a dying AIDS orphan pressing against her heart ready to chase God's plans to the ends of the earth.
So back to my original statement, I don't want to raise successful children. It's true, I don't. Though Hope's sister coming behind her is an A student and can always be found on the front row of school performances - we don't chase after success for her either. I trust God that she needs those things in her life for the plans He's unfolding in her life. We train with that bent in mind. But, we don't chase it. Just like Hope, we point her in the direction of God at every turn and pray like crazy.
I stand by what I said and I'll say it again, I don't want to raise successful children. Because--- raising God-honoring adults who will set the world on fire for Christ is just so much more rewarding.
Dear Lord, being a mom is a really tough job.
Please help me, teach me and show me how to define success for my kids.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
I must really start teaching them the lyrics of "God will make a way" soon
